Drama Lab -- 7th Grade (Period 5)

Congratulations! You have been accepted into Mr. Hughes’s advanced theatre course which we call Drama Lab. While we will be studying theater in general, our class is primarily an acting class. We will use scene study as our main vehicle for acting technique instruction, incorporating exercises in sense memory, emotional recall, characterization, text analysis, and various other aspects of acting. As a new class at Millikan with students who have had Drama before, we will be attempting advanced units which may include: archetypes, viewpoints, Meisner technique, playwriting, acting for the camera, and others. Without having after school rehearsals, it is our hope to present our work for fellow students and/or family and friends this year.


Here is a copy of our scene study material:


PETER AND THE STARCATCHER by Rick Elice

Prologue
(A company of men enters with a purpose, the BOY in the middle)
BOY: When I was a boy, I wished I could fly.
PRENTISS: Me too.
SCOTT: So did I!
BOY: Out of the window and over the trees-
SMEE:-high as a cloud and lighter than air-
MOLLY: (pushing through the men)-then loop and up to the stars! I dreamed about flying all the time. (off looks from the men) What? Girls dream!
BOY: Up to the stars- I like that.
MOLLY: Me too.
(A moment of connection between them, the first of many)
ASTER: Eventually, of course, we dream other dreams.
PRENTISS: We change.
TED: We grow up.
ASTER: It always happens. Nothing is forever.
BOY: That’s the rule.
MOLLY: Everything ends.
STACHE: And so our story begins.
(Stache snaps his fingers. Lights change.
Ah! Delight suffuses the company.)
SMEE: Supposing all these plants and ropes are now the British Empire…
ASTER: And we are lords-
SCOTT: --and captains-
MOLLY: --mothers-
PRENTISS: --orphans-
ALF: --sailors-
STACHE: --pirates-
PRAWN: --tropical kings.
SCOTT: And use your thoughts to hoist the sails and deck the ships awaiting us this early, gray and misty dawn in 1885-
ASTER: --a crucial year in the reign of Her Majesty, Queen Victoria--
ALL: GOD SAVE HER!
SLANK: --who, by her grace, had only just knighted a new peer of the realm-
ASTER: --Lord Leonard aster, dedicated minister to the queen and devoted father-
MOLLY: --to molly aster, whose mother flew up to heaven when molly was six years old
MRS.BUMBRAKE: --in the years that followed, a nanny was employed to care for molly, and provided her with the essentials of young womanhood-
ASTER: --while, taking her with him on each royal mission, lord Aster gave a life few girls would girls would normally know-
MOLLY- a life that made her insatiably curious, insufferably bright and pretty much friendless at school.
(Prentiss and Ted seize on that, poking fun at the
boy)
PRENTISS: Friendless! Ha!
TED: Friendless? You mean like-
BOY: Leave me alone!
(Grempkin, their schoolmaster, is suddenly, brutally, on them)
GREMPKIN: Orphans! Most useless creatures on the planet. look at em-
SLANK: Cast out by mothers who cant feed em or love em.
BOY: No mothers at St. Norbert’s, only school masters.
GREMPKIN: (grabbing the boy by the scruff of his neck) Much as I hate to lose you, mule-(to Prentiss and Ted) and you, and you-- I won’t stand in the way of opportunity. Here’s to yer trip on a ship!
TED: What ship? what trip?
PRENTISS: Sorry im lost.
TED: Me too.
MOLLY: Boys!
PRENTISS, TED: We’re lost!
MOLLY: BOYS!
STACHE: And so it was, on a brink of a new adventure-
PRENTISS, TED, BOY: That three filthy orphans.
ASTER: And Lord Leonard Aster.
MOLLY: his friendless Molly-
MRS.BUMBRAKE- and her nanny,MRS.BURMBRAKE-
ALL- JOURNEYED A DAWN TO THE DOCKS OF PORTSMOUTH!
( a hubbub while two trunks are carried downstairs)
ALF- where two are delivered to two ships, sharing the very same dock!
SMEE- two trunks, deliberately similar to each other in there….trunkness
ASTER: --one of them containing a precious cargo belonging t the queen-
STACHE- to be accompanied by Leonard aster, aboard one of the ships, a spanking new frigate-
SCOTT- commanded by Leonard’s old school chum, Captain Robert Falcon Scott. the wasp! (a model of the wasp appears and is passed briskly along to him.) fastest ship afloat. bound for the remote kingdom of rundoon!
(Scott now holding the wasp, beams with pride.
the others applaud.)
SLANK: (pushing through) and the other trunk , full o’ sand, courtesy o’ me, Bill Slank , captain of this other ship- ( someone holds up a model of the neverland.) the Neverland.
(Everyone scoffs and groans as the unimpressive Neverland model is passed is passing along the ALF.)
STACHE: The Neverland-- a slower ship.--
SMEE: --and long in the poop.
ALF: A merchant ship, taking a longer route to Rundoon, just t be safe.
SLANK: And while nobody’s lokin’ (Everyone turns away, occupied elsewhere) I’ll just mark the Queen’s trunk, the one supposed to go on the Wasp.(makes a chalk X on the top trunk) Then at the last sec-
SCOTT: ALL SHORE WHO’S GOING ASHORE!
SLANK: I’ll switch ‘em
(smack the chalk marked trunk)
GREMPKIN: And I’ll sell these boys into slavery
(to the boys)
Cheer up lads- youre off to Rundoon to be helper to the King!
SLANK: Food for snakes, more like.
(pays Grempkin for the boys, hollers)
Create o’boys comin’ aboard!
SCOTT: MAKE YER COURSE! SAY YER G’BYS
PRENTISS: G’bye to who?
TED: There’s nobody who cares.
BOY: Which is why I hate, hate, hate grown-ups!
ALF: STOW YER CARGO! START YER PLAY! ADIEU! ADIEU!
(Molly and Mrs.Bumbrake help Aster into his coat. The other men become merchant sailors, ordered about by Slank.)

Scene One
THE NEVERLAND-ON DECK
(Slank cracks his whip and the sailors scurry.)
SLANK: Show that trunk in my cabin, y’salt junkies!
SAILORS: (singing)
There’s wind in the foretop,
There’s boys in the hold-
Or it’s down, or it’s down we go.
SLANK: Shroud the hemp and jigger the futtocks!
SAILORS: Or it’s down, or its down we go!
NARRATOR ALF: With everything safely aboard, final preparation are made on the deck of the Neverland.
(Trimly uniformed British seamen approach to a military cadence.)
SEAMEN: Call all hands to man the capstan
Run the cable down the chrome.
Heave away, and say g’bye, boys ,
Far from England, far from home.
(The seamen snap to attention, smart and neat)
NARRATOR SEAMEN PRENTISS: A squadron of British Navy seamen in bright, smart uniforms boards the Neverland-
NARRATOR SEAMEN GREGGORS:-Led by one Lieutenant Greggors, ready to accompany Lord Leonard Aster to Her Majesty’s vessel, the wasp.
(Greggors wears a naval officer’s hat. The Neverland’s rag-tag sailors stare jealously at the grandeur of their Navy betters.
GREGGORS: Captain Scott’s compliments, your Lordship…but could you join him aboard the wasp as soon as possible!
ASTER: A moment. Captain Slank!
(Slank emerges from the shadows, whip in hand.)
SLANK: Here, yer Lordship.
ASTER: I’m taking the Queen’s treasure to Rundoon aboard the Wasp, but I leave a more precious cargo here on the Neverland. Guard her well. (gives Slank a gold coin, calls) Mrs.Bumbrake, bring her to me! (Molly runs to her father’s outstretched arms.) Molly, my Molly.
MOLLY: Please let me come with you. I don’t like it on this ship.
ASTER: You’re safer here on the Neverland.. By the time you arrive in Rundoon, I’ll have completed my mission, and we’ll be together again
(The ship’s cat sidles up to Molly’s legs, meowing affectionately)
MOLLY: Look Daddy – the cat, the ship’s cat. A lucky sign! Here puss, puss …
ASTER: Molly! Careful!
MOLLY: It’s alright, Daddy. Him’s a sweet little puss, isn’t him …(The cat mews sweetly in Molly’s arms.)
MRS. BUMBRAKE: Our Molly loves all God’s little creatures. (Mrs Bumbrake hands the cat to an exiting sailor.)
MOLLY: (ever so bravely) Daddy … I know you don’t need my help in Rundoon, but I’ve got to start pulling my weight sometime.
ASTER: You’re all grown up, aren’t you?
MOLLY: I am, Daddy. Courage now, promise?
ASTER: Promise.
MOLLY: (giving in to tears) Oh dear.
(Two sailors topple a crate very near to Molly’s head.)
NARRATOR SLANK: Just then, the crate of boys bursts open!
NARRATOR BOY: One of the boys almost falls out!
NARRATOR MOLLY: Hanging upside down just over Molly’s head!
NARRATOR BOY: He stares at her.
NARRATOR MOLLY: She stares at him.
NARRATOR BOY: He has an air about him.
NARRATOR MOLLY: The looks of a boy who doesn’t miss much, or say much about it.
SLANK: (lifting the Boy back into the crate and slamming it shut) Back in the box, y’monkeys!
NARRATOR MOLLY: Something about the boy makes Molly feel like she just grew up a little.
ASTER: (confidentially) Daughter. (Molly can’t take her eyes off the Boy, fascinated.) A word. (His stern tone snaps Molly to attention.) There isn’t any treasure in the Queen’s trunk, and what is in it has to be destroyed, by order of Her Majesty, Queen Victoria.
MOLLY: God save her.
ALL: GOD SAVE HER
ASTER: I’ll have you move quickly before the King of Rundoon even knows I’m there.
MOLLY: How are you going to destroy it?
ASTER: Can you keep a secret?
MOLLY: I can.
(Everyone else on the ship crowds around them to eavesdrop.)
ALL: We can.
(To avoid being overheard, Aster speaks in Dodo.)
ASTER: (Holding an amulet in his hand.) Cwah cheep wirp reet reet burp.
MOLLY: (Speaking with great difficulty.) Click … bleep … cwaaaah!
ASTER: Sorry?
MOLLY: (being brave about messing it up.) Click bleep cwaaaah?
ASTER: I think you mean – cwah cwah papap click fart weeeeeeer …
NARRATOR STACHE: They’re speaking in Dodo, a language known only to, well –
NARRATOR SCOTT: - Dodos – and a handful of very special humans.
NARRATOR ASTER: Dodo: a fat, clumsy bird, hence the Latin name, Didus ineptus.
NARRATOR ALF: Kown for its greedy appetite, slothful pace and sense of entitlement, the dodo was fearless of people and faced no real competition – an eerie mirror of the British Empire at its colonial zenith – but thereby hangs another tale.
(Aster has placed an amulet around his neck and a matching amulet around Molly’s neck)
ASTER:…and don’t ever take this off or let anyone else touch it. You know what’s in this amulet, Molly. And you know how to use it if you’re ever in trouble
MOLLY: But what if something happens to you? You need me on the Wasp
ASTER: Too dangerous-I won’t have it
MOLLY: I want to be part of the mission!
ASTER: If you can’t be British, you can go straight home and back to school, young lady. Mrs.Bumbrake
MOLLY: NO! Don’t send me home, please. I’ll be good, I promise.
MRS.BUMBRAKE: Shut the faucet, Molly-blubberin` like a whale when the world’s your oyster! Be a woman!
MOLLY: Yes, Nana.
ASTER: Soon as I’m done with Rundoon, we’ll take a few weeks in the Antipodes-sc are up some rare bird eggs, hmm? I might even teach you to speak porpoise.
MOLLY: Yes, Daddy
ASTER: There’s my little Starcatcher.
MOLLY: Just an apprentice. If I were a Starcatcher, I’d be on the Wasp with you!
(Across the deck, Slank twitches)
NARRATOR SLANK: Slank hears the word, “Starcatcher”-
NARRATOR GREGGORS: - but a cannon is fired from the deck of the Wasp! BOOM!
ASTER: Patience, daughter. Keep an eye, Mrs.Bumbrake!
(Aster signs an autograph for one of the sailors.)
MRS.BUMBRAKE: Don’t you worry, my lord! We’ll be British to the bone!
ASTER: Here.
SLANK: Off ye go, Yer Lordship. TTFN
(waves cordially as the seamen march Aster away to the Wasp, then to Mrs.Bumbrake)
Comfy, are we? That’s nice. Now- ( suddenly and terribly evil) Alf, where are ye, ye good for nothing bucket o’ scum!
ALF: Here.
SLANK: Lock these two in thir cabin for safe-keeping. I’m takin’ no chances.
MRS. BUMBRAKE: Wait just a-
SLANK: I don’t fancy no dainty daughters roamin’ my deck. Now , hop it!
MRS. BUMBRAKE: With pleasure. The cabin could smell no worse than you.
MOLLY: Can we have kitty with us?
(Molly picks up the street cat, which suddenly screeches, as terribly evil as Slank. Molly, started, drops the beast, which scurries down into the bowels of the ship.)
SLANK: Steer clear o’ the pussy, pet-rip yer hand clean off. (pulls Mrs. Bumbrake by the elbow) Say the word, madam – I might let y’ out later for a promenade. Maybe do some petting of our own, eh?
MRS. BUMBRAKE: Don’t trouble yourself, I’m sure. Come along, my girl.
(Alf steps in. Mrs. Bumbrake likes what she sees.)
ALF: No, thank you, kind lady. Yer eyes’re green as the
sea . . . and yer hair’s wavy, too.
MRS. BUMBRAKE: (a girlish toss of her head) Take me below, sir.
(Mrs. Bumbrake sniffs spitefully at Slank. Alf leads her off with Molly in tow.)
SLANK: Lock the silly cow in the Junior Suite! (The sailors snigger.) What’re you sniggerin’ at. y’ picaroons?!? (cracks his whip) Furrow the jib an’ let fly the frammistan, or you’ll curse the day you were born! (The Neverland casts off from the dockside.) On to Rundoon, y’ fungus! There’s profitable trade to be made in Rundoon!
(Slank laughs meanly. The sailors moan.)
Scene two
MOLLY’S CABIN
(Molly and Mrs. Bumbrake are crammed tightly in the “Junior Suite,” a very tiny cabin. The lonely sound of a violin wafts by.)
MRS. BUMBRAKE: First Class ain’t what it used to be. ‘Course, back in my salad days, I was a green girl bringing up brats in a big, breezy brownstone in Brighton. That was a tight spot, too, and hell on the household help. Especially the kitchen boy-a lovely island lad who worked wonders with a cannelloni, plus a pasta fazool to make you drool. But oh, it’s made the master mad how the mistress moaned fer ‘is manicotti. He beat that boy something brutal, but the boy didn’t say boo. Point is- we must button our beaks and be brave like that boy, or my name’s not Betty Bumbrake. Now, you might well be afraid you’ll never show that sorry Slank the slightest sniff of fear. There are men who can smell it on you, Molly, and they make you pay…(breaks down blubbering)
MOLLY: That’s stupid example if you’re going to cry halfway though. Be a woman!
(Mrs. Bumbrake recovers herself as the door flies open. Alf pops his head in and sets down a bucket)
Alf: Situated, miss?
MRS.BUMBRAKE: Missus Bumbrake. Missus.
Alf: Sorry to hear that. I was wed once-dreadful business.
MRS. BUMBRAKE: Mister Bumbreak fell off the twig years ago. left me widowed at fort- er, thirty.
MOLLY: (notices bucket) Is that food? I’m awfully hungery.
ALF: This ain’t fer no ladies. It’s fer the pigs down the other end.
MOLLY: Pigs? Really? May I help you feed them?
MRS. BUMBRAKE: My Molly loves all God’s little creatures, you know.
Alf: Not these creatures, she don’t. But don’t despair- Cook’s layin’ on some yummy meat in the galley. I’ll escort you when it’s up.
MRS. BUMBRAKE: Nothing too rich, pray. We girls must watch our waistlines.
ALF: Been thinking ‘bout getting in shape, me-self.
MOLLY: Round is a shape.
ALF: Sorry?
MRS. BUMBRAKE: So true. You’re quite the specimen.
Alf: No, I have flabby thighs. But fortunately m’stomach covers’em. Best be off. (passes gas) TTFN.
(Alf exits but forgets, in his flirtation, to lock the cabin door.)
MRS. BUMBRAKE: He’s rough but he’s ready, that Alf.
Molly: He smelt like smelt.
MRS.BUMBRAKE: True… but there’s a whiff of hero about him, mark my works.
( Molly pushes the cabin door, which swings open.)
Molly: Left the cabin ajar. I could follow him and feed the piggies! May I, Nana, please?
( Not waiting for an answer, Molly bolts out of the cabin.)
MRS. BUMBRAKE: Molly, come back here. Don’t make me come after you! ( turns green as the ship creaks and the cabin lists) Oh. Oh dear… ( calling off) Best bring back a bucket before Betty Bumbrake blows her bloomin’ breakfast!




Scene Three
SHIP’S BOWELS
(Careful not to be seen, Molly follows Alf down the dim and damp gangways, passing Mack and sailor.)
MACK: C’mon up for some poker, Alf?
ALF: Slank put me on pig duty, the rat bastard. Goin’ down to the bilge to feed the swine.
(Molly follows Alf through a swinging door and down another cramped passageway, both of them on their knees. Alf breaks wind in her face.)
AIF(Cont’d): God Save Her.
(Alf goes one way, Molly another – jumping down a hatch into the bowels of the ship. Darkness and dripping. There are many doors to many cabins. Molly opens a first door and finds a mob of gamblers. After a frenzied roll of the dice, and much shouting , Molly slams the door shut. She makes her way down the gangway. Behind a second door, worshipers gather in prayer. )
ALL: (singing)
Eternal Father strong to save,
Whose arm doth bind the restless, wave,
Who bidd’st the –
(Molly slams the door shut. She makes her way to a third door. She opens it to find Slank wielding a branding iron to torture Mack.)
SLANK: Port, you idjit! Port. Which way is port?
MACK: The right! The right!
(The other sailors cringe.)
SLANK: Left, y’fool! Gimme his left! A nice big P – help you remember!
(Slank brands Mack’s hand with a giant letter P – a horrible hissing. Mack howls. Molly slams the door shut. The ship’s a scary place, but she’s not afraid.
MOLLY:Pigs!? Where’s the pig?
Molly spots Alf and follows him through one final, wretched door.

Scene Four
BILGE DUNGEON
Three filthy urchins, the boys from the crate, huddle together.Molly slips in behind Alf and stays hidden by the doors.
ALF: If it ain’t the three little piggies! Got yer sea-legs?
PRENTISS,TED:Oh, thank you! Get us out of here! Hungry! Please! Help!
ALF: (shutting them up) Oil!!!
PRENTISS: Excuse me, sir. Quick question for the Captain-
ALF: What are you, piggy spokesman?
PRENTISS: I’m the leader.
TED: No, you’re not.
PRENTISS: Yes I am. I’m the oldest and I say pipe down.
TED: But I’m hungry!
ALF: It’s yer lucky day then, ain’t it?
(Alf throws Ted the bucket.)
TED: Finally!
ALF: You’ll wanna swallow that down quick. Bone uppity.
(Ted devours the contents.).
PRENTISS: Any good?
(Ted gags and spits out a glob of slop, choking.)
TED: IT’S ALIVE!
(Prentiss looks inside the bucket)
PRENTISS: It’s worms
TED: He fed me worms!
PRENTISS: I won’t eat that.
TED: (to ALF) Please, sir – is there a vegetarian alternative?
ALF: In my day, pigs weren’t quite so particular.
(Alf starts to leave. The boys fight over the worms.)
PRENTISS: Don’t hog it all. Gimme!
TED: You said you wouldn’t eat it!
BOY: (can’t stop himself, to Alf) YOU! WAIT!
PRENTISS: (hissed, to the Boy) What’re you doing!
TED: You’ll get us a beating!
ALF: (turning proudly) Belay that “you”! I’m called Mister on this vessel – mark of respect for a lifetime of seafaring.
PRENTISS: (to Alf) Never mind him. He’s got a real problem with authority.
ALF: Ha! So do I. (softens) I know worms is rough vittels, boys, but they’ll grease the pipes ‘til we set yer down in Rundoon.
BOY: (another track) A question, Mister?
ALF: One.
BOY: Do we have to stay down here in the dark?
ALF: ‘Til Slank hands ye over to the King Zarboff.
BOY: Is the King nice to his helpers?
ALF: That’s two.
(Alf exits. The door shuts behind him.)
TED: I got a sick feeling about this.
PRENTISS: I’ll think of something.
(Molly steps from the shadows.)
MOLLY: No you won’t.
BOYS: (startled) Ahhh!
MOLLY: In my experience, boys’re sadly slow thinkers.
TED: What is it?!
PRENTISS: What are you?
MOLLY: I’m a girl.
(They edge away, the Boy hiding behind Ted and Prentiss.)
PRETNISS: No way.
TED: We saw a girl once –
PRENTISS: – headmaster’s daughter.
TED: It was nothing like you. It was all – (characterizing that awful girl of yore) aarrgh, rowrrr, hiss!
MOLLY: (officious) Who’s the leader here?
PRENTISS: Who wants to know?
MOLLY: Molly Aster. Doctor Pretorius back home says I have an extraordinarily high level of brain power.
PRENTISS: If you’re so smart, how come you’re stuck on this dirt-bucket?
MOLLY: I’m not stuck. I’m going to meet my father in Rundoon. He has important things to do.
PRENTISS: We have important things to do.
TED: No we don’t.
PRENTISS: I’m the leader, and I say we got some things.
BOY: (to Molly) He’s not the leader.
(Molly recognizes the upside-down Boy from the crate.)
MOLLY: You.
BOY: You.
MOLLY: How old are you?
BOY: How old are you?
MOLLY: I’m thirteen.
BOY: I’m thirteen.
MOLLY: Wait – I just remembered: today’s my birthday. I’m fifteen.
BOY: If you were thirteen and today’s your birthday, you’d be fourteen.
MOLLY: I only celebrate odd-numbered birthdays.
PRENTISS: Wait a minute, wait a minute, doesn’t matter how old you are! I’m the leader. The leader has to be a boy.
MOLLY: (to Ted) Hey – up your end of the ship we get served proper food. I can lead you there – (to Prentiss) which would make me the leader.
TED: (drooling) Proper food? Really?
MOLLY: Just give me your names.
BOY: Why should we?
MOLLY: Only that … if you have names, they serve you meat.
TED: TED! I’m TED!
PRENTISS: But I call him Tubby, ‘cuz he’s food obsessed.
TED: I am not food ob –
PRENTISS: D’ you write poems about pie?
TED: To pass the time –
PRENTISS: Hide beans in your blanket?
TED: It’s a blood sugar thing.
PRENTISS: Faint at the merest whisper of – (to Molly) get this! – (back to Ted) sticky pudding?
TED: (faints to his knees) Sticky pudding. It’s sp good …
PRENTISS: Like I said, food obsessed. I’m Prentiss. I’m in charge here.
MOLLY: (turns to Ted) Ever notice, Ted – the more you claim leadership the more it eludes you?
TED: (to Prentiss) Oh, snap!
MOLLY: And what are you, Boy?
BOY: (rudely) Leave me alone.
MOLLY: Sorry.
TED: Don’t take it personally.
PRENTISS: He’s rude to everybody.
TED: It’s why he gets beatings.
PRENTISS: And why he’s got no friends.
TED: Go on. Tell her your name, why don’t you?
(Prentiss and Ted laugh cruelly)
MOLLY: What’s so funny?
BOY: Thanks, Ted.
TED: He doesn’t have a name.
PRENTISS: Been orphan’d too long to remember.
TED: Grempkin calls him –
TED, PRENTISS: (mocking) – “mule.”
BOY: Go on! You and your stupid names go follow some stupid girl.
PRENTISS: Like we need your permission, friendless.
MOLLY: (defending the boy) Doesn’t cost any more to be nice, charmless.
TED: What about the food?
PRENTISS: (to Molly) You can be like temporary leader – but only ‘til we eat.
MOLLY: (to the Boy, fascinated) Fair warning, boy – I shall expose you utterly.
NARRATOR GREMPKIN: As no one had ever shown the slightest interest in him before, the boy’s eyes began to sparkle and the lure of competition wiped some of the misery from his face.
MOLLY: Right, Follow me. (Molly leaves the bilge dungeon)
TED: Right. Follow Mother -
BOY: Molly.
TED: That’s what I said. Follow Molly.
(Ted and Prentiss exit, leaving the Boy alone. The ship groans. The Boy quickly gets frightened, claustrophobic.)
NARRATOR BOY: The boy may have wished to be alone, but he didn’t really mean it. The sparkle in his eyes fades, and strange sounds in the dark make him remember the orphanage, make him think about –
GREMPKIN: WHERE’S THAT MULE!!
(Flashback: St. Norbert’s Orphanage for Lost Boys. Many Orphans stand shivering in a cold schoolyard. Grempkin holds sway, brandishing a wooden switch.)
BOY: Here, sir.
GREMPKIN: (grabs the Boy by the scruff of the neck) You are all shades of nasty, mule. Oi – lookit this filth!
BOY: (knowing what’s coming) Don’t hit me, sir! Cesspit’s dirty work!
GREMPKIN: A mule afraid of his own shadow? Be a man!
BOY: Thank you, Mr. Grempkin.
GREMPKIN: Uncover yourself, disgrace to the mother that left you!
NARRATOR BUMBRAKE: (singing gently)
Oh, for the wings,
For the wings of a dove…
GREMPKIN: (pointing viciously to another boy) You watch or you’re next! (Grempkin FREEZES)
NARRATOR ASTER: At the mention of mother, the boy heard a wisp of a song he could barely remember –
NARRATOR ALF: - and saw a shadow of a home he hoped he might have.
(instantly, we see a tableau of a happy family – the Boy, embraced by a mother and father and brothers.)
NARRATOR STACHE: Father and son –
NARRATOR MOLLY: - mother and child.
NARRATOR SMEE: And even with so little ground for hope-
NARRATOR BOY: - still he believed –
NARRATOR PRENTISS: - despite his distress and sorrow –
NARRATOR TED: - that one day such a home would be his.
BOY: (happy) Home.
(The tableau melts away, and the Boy has bared his back to Grempkin, who looms over him, wooden switch in hand.
GREMPKIN: Orphan Rule Number One!
BOY: Life is meant to be horrible.
(LASH!)
GREMPKIN: Rule Number Two!
BOY: There are no orphans in heaven.
(LASH!)
GREMPKIN: Rule Number Three!
BOY: Missus Grempkin’s ugly!
(the other orphans laugh rudely.)
GREMPKIN: (his fury knowing bounds) Anyone who laughs is dead!
(Grempkin chases the orphans away. The flashback faded leaving the boy alone and whimpering in the bilge dungeon.
BOY: Mother. Mother…(Molly opens the cabinet door.)
MOLLY: C’mon, you! Last chance! We asters do not leave boys behind. (The Boy wipes his eyes and runs after Molly.)




Scene Five
The WASP--The CAPTAIN’S CABIN
(Crammed in a doorway are Aster, Greggors, and the seamen.)
NARRATOR GREGORS: We shift our attention now to the other ship, barreling due south at a brisk twelve knots. That fine British frigate-
ALL: -THE WASP-
NARRATOR ASTER: -Where Moll’y father, lord Aster, has been ushered roughly below deck.
GREGGORS: Captain Scott’s cabin, your Lordship. Do go in.
(Greggors pushes Aster inside. The cabin is quite dark. A tattered Union Jack covers something large and unidentified.)
ASTER: Awfully cramped for the captain’s quarters
GREGGORS: No frills on a frigate, sir. Sanchez, pull the door to…There’s a good fellow.
(The seamen crowd into the cabin.)
ASTER: Where’s the Captain, Lieutenant?
GREGGORS: (smiles modestly) I’m no lieutenant. I told a lie.
ASTER: Unthinkable-British never lie.
SMEE: Why didn’t you say so? Presto Scotto!
(Smee lifts the Union Jack to reveal Captain Scott, trussed like a chicken with a gag in its mouth.)
ASTER: What? Robbie! (to smee) How dare you, sir! Release this man!
(Instead, Smee trips Aster of hi Lordship’s coat)
SMEE: I’ll take the key to that treasure trunk o’ yours.
ASTER: You’ll have to kill me first.
SMEE: (eyeing Scott) We were going to kill you second, but I’m flexible
STACHE: (from off) A-choo! (Immediate terror.)
PIRATE ALF: He’s coming aft!
SANCHEZ: In a nasty mood!
PIRATE BOY: A foul and nasty mood!
ASTER: What are you playing at?
SMEE: “Pirates,” sir. The Wasp is now a pirate ship. Yer British crew’s in chains below!
ASTER: There’ve been no pirates in these parts for hundred years!
SMEE: We’ve been keeping a very low profile.
ASTER: And you’re the Captain, I suppose?
SMEE: I, sir?
ASTER: Aye, sir. You, sir.
SMEE: No, sir. Not Smee sir.
ASTER: Smee, sir?
SMEE: That’s me sir. But no Captain, I sir.
ASTER: You lie, sir.
SMEE: Oh no, sir. The devil himself’s in charge hereabouts.
ASTER: The devil, you say.
SMEE: The price of darkness. Our Satanic Supervisor. Foul and Nasty with Cloven Hoof.
ASTER: And how would one identify him in a crowd?
SMEE: By his legendary cookie-dunster, that’s how!
ASTER: Whiskers?
SMEE: By his celebrated mouth-brow, that’s how!
ASTER: And does he have a name?
SMEE: The pirate captain they call…BLACK STACHE!
(The pirates shriek and bemoan the hearing of this terrible name. And suddenly, there he stands-The Black Stache, carrying a bucket…into which he pukes and spits.
STACHE: (waving cordially to Aster) Hallo.
The pirates shriek again and bemoan what might happen next.
STACHE (CONT’D): (winsomely)
Oh, to be in England, now that April’s there,
But whoever’s not in England gets to see my facial hair.
(to Aster) Now, you’re likely wondering … can the fellow before you be entirely evil? Can co compassion un-crease this furrowed brew?
SMEE: Brow.
STACHE: Brow. Well, fret not, mon frere – I’m a romantic! There’s a poet in these pirate veins, and so I plug into the muse. (holds his hand out to Smee for a manicure) But what to do? Which style to use? Iambic? Box of poison? Haiku? Over my dead granny. (suddenly vicious to Smee) Mind the cuticle, Smee! (Eureka!) Hoopah! Got it! (a steely glare at Aster)
A pirate with scads of panache
Wants the key to the trunk with the cash
Now here’s some advice:
Tho’ who seem to be nice –
I’LL CUT YOU!!! Slit you up one side ‘n’ down the other so ye can watch yer own stomach flop around on the deck.
(holds a razor to Aster’s throat, Aster doesn’t flinch.)
I say Smee – you did explain to my lord that I’m a bloodthirsty outlaw?
SMEE: Aye, Cap’n. But he still wouldn’t give up the key!
STACHE: We haven’t got all night, Smee. People have paid for nannies and parking. Stand aside. I’ll have to do it myself, or I’m not – I’m not – (heartbroken) WHAT AM I??
PIRATES: BLACK STACHE!!
STACHE: They refer, of course, to THIS! (the pirates gasp!) The trademark nose-brush of every man, woman and child in me family, dating right back to the amoeba. Yet, for us, the face foliage has been, oh, so much more than a lawn on the lip, sir, ‘Tis what we are, and why we are it. And when everyone else got out of the pirate business, The Stache stuck it out, knowing one day my ship would come in. This is the day. This is the ship. (menacing) Now, cough up that key, my lord.
ASTER: Not as chance, you thug.
(Stache throws a tantrum at this insult, then recovers.
STACHE: (to Smee) Why, is that my lord’s coat you’re holding?
(Smee helps Sache on with Aster’s coat.)
SMEE: Looks about your size, Cap’n.
STACHE: What a well-dressed “thug” is wearing this season.
SMEE: So comee il faut, Cap’n. So very comee il faut.
(Stache surveys his reflection in a mirror. He’s please with what he sees.)
STACHE: I say Smee – what is it the men call me?
SMEE:Nancy, sir?
STACHE: No, the other thing.
SMEE: Ruthless, sir. Ruthless, Heartless and Peerless.
STACHE: (so sweetly) Guilty is charged. (to Aster) Now, give us the key!
ASTER: Never.
STACHE: Playing games is for children, Lord Aster, and I hate, I hate, I hate children! (hurls his bucket at the mirror, smashing it) Bring it in, Gomez.
SANCHEZ: It’s Sanchez, sir.
STACHE: (so hard to find good help these days) Just … bring it in. Thanks ever so. (Pirates drag in the trunk.) The Wasp is my ship now, and everything aboard here belongs to me, including the treasure Victoria thinks nobody knows about. Silly old Queen.
ASTER: God Save Her.
STACHE: Queen.
ASTER: God Save Her.
STACHE: Victoria.
ASTER: God Save Her.
STACHE: Banana.
ASTER: God Save –
STACHE: (gotcha!) Oopsy! (The pirates appreciate Aster’s humiliation. Stache perches on the trunk.) Here’s two things. When I open this swag, I’ll be the most significant pirate in the world, the solar system, or other places yet to be discovered anywhere in the universe.
A moment passes
ASTER: That’s the only thing –
STACHE: The second thing is a dilemma, a large one, the Cadillac Escalade of dilemmas, in point of fact – for a little bird tells me that your darling daughter is sailing to Rundoon on the safer southern route, aboard the Navelnerd.
SMEE: The Neverland, sir.
STACHE: Same letters: Navelnerd – Neverland. I was close. I was pretty darn close! Splitting rabbits, really…
SMEE: Hairs, sir
STACHE: Splitting hares, that too. (to Aster, cheerfully) Oh! OH! Just a sec! I know you love your Molly above rubies. What say you to a quick detour, we pluck her off the Neverland, and you can watch her die! Unless you’re feeling a weensy bit more amenable? (eyes Aster, whose hand gives him away) Love yer locket! But what’s in yer pocket? Oh, allow me! (reaches in and extracts the key) Done ‘n’ dusted, kippers ‘n’ custard. Here’s the key boys!
(The pirates are so focused on the key, they don’t notice that the amulet around Aster’s neck begins to glow. There is a sound of bells. FREEZE.)

Scene Six
The NEVERLAND PASSAGEWAY
(Molly’s matching amulet begins to glow as well. Bells ring.)
MOLLY: (holding the amulet) My father. He’s in trouble.
PRENTISS: Your neck-thing is glowing.
TED: And ringing.
MOLLY: Don’t ask me about that.
PRENTISS: I can ask whatever I want. I’m the leader.
BOY: Lay off, Prentiss, (To Molly) C’mon, you have to tell.
MOLLY: Alright, listen: (furtively) My father is going to Rundoon on a secret mission for the Queen.
BOY: What’s a mission?
MRS. BUMBRAKE: (from off ) Molly! Where are you girl?
Molly bundles the boys down another corridor.
MOLLY: Ssssh! Down this gangway, and keep it quiet!
TED: Tell me again, what was it called, what we ate?
MOLLY: Pork chops, pork salad, and pork belly pie.
TED: Greatest night of my life.
MOLLY: Sssshhh! There’s more tomorrow if we don’t get caught.
TED: “Pork” – a beautiful word.
(A different, louder bell is heard, outside Slank’s cabin.)
BOY: There’s the ringing thing again –
PRENTISS: Her neck thing –
MOLLY: No it’s coming from someplace else.
(The shadow of a cat appears on Slank’s cabin door, a glow emanating from within.)
BOY: Behind this door.
MOLLY: Get away, boy! Don’t open that cabin!
(The Boy opens it anyway. The horrible ship’s ca flies gently out, floating, lighter than air, gurgling and cooing sweetly.)
BOY: Holy –!
MOLLY: Slank’s –!
TED: Cat –!
PRENTISS: Flying!
NARRATOR STACHE: We ask you now to imagine a grown cat in flight –
NARRATOR SLANK: – suspended in space as if hanging from a string.
NARRATOR SMEE: Of course, the boys don’t have to imagine –
NARRATOR ALF: – because there they are, and there’s the cat –
NARRATOR BUMBRAKE: -and that cat is definitely flying-
NARRATOR SCOTT:-and those bells are definitely ringing-
NARRATOR ASTER:-and that cabin is definitely glowing.
MOLLY: Glowing - ringing –flying-it can only mean one thing!
ASTER: (holding his amulet) Starstuff!
MOLLY: Starstuff! The Queen’s trunk is in Slank’s cabin
(slams the cabin door shut, grunting from the effort and extinguishing the glow and bells)
Okay, nothing to see here, move along.
TED: But that cat was-
MOLLY: No it wasn’t.
PRENTISS: Yes it was! Tubby’s right! Your neck-thing was ringing and Slank’s cat was totally fly-
MOLLY: (distracting them from the flying cat) Hey -y’know what’d be fun? Howzabout a bedtime story!
TED: What’s that?
MOLLY: Oh, ha ha, very amus- (realizing) omigosh- you poor things. You’ve never had a bedtime story?
PRENTISS: This might sound kina defensive-
TED: Hard to have a bedtime when you don’t have a bed.
MOLLY: Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean to-
BOY: Tell you what: You say “sorry” so easy, like the rough patch’s smoothed over, no hard feelings and everything’s fixed. Well, no. There’s dark… a mass darkness in the world, and if you get trapped in that cave like us, it beats you down. “Sorry” can’t fix it. Better to say nothing than sorry. (hearing his mother’s song far away) When it’s night I am to scared to sleep, I look through the cracks y’know? Between the wood nailed over the window, and I see all those little stars that I can’t reach, and I think that in a hundred years, or two or three hundred maybe, boys’ll be free and life’ll be so beautiful that nobody’ll ever say “sorry” again-‘cuz nobody’ll have to. I think about that a lot.
(Molly is moved by this glimpse into the boy’s soul. So are Ted and Prentiness.)
PRENTISS: Well, that’s more than he said in the last thirteen years.
BOY: So, bedtime stories? Not a big priority, okay?
MOLLY: No, it’s not okay. I’m giving you one. It’s a gift. Least I can do. Like, um- Sleeping Beauty’s good one. You’ll like it. There’s a kiss in it. True Love’s Kiss.
TED: Yeah! (then) I don’t know what that is.
MOLLY: Then I’ll tell you. C’mon-back to your cabin and I’ll be Mother. Now: The story of Sleeping Beauty. “Once upon a time” –that’s how they always start- “Once upon a time, a beautiful baby was born…”
(Molly, Pied Pipe-like, lures the boys off.)

Scene Seven
The WASP--CAPTAIN’S CABIN
(Stache slide in on top of top of the trunk, finishing his own fairytale.)
STACHE: ‘” … and that beautiful baby had a big, bushy handle bar and it grew out as he grew up and they both lived awfully ever after. The end.” (rises, exultant, key in hand) From this day forth, it’ll be nothing but pleasure cruises and the odd America’s Cup for me. Now open – (unlocks the trunk and throws the lid open ) and perpend! (A Piratical Silence of Great Awfulness)What is that?
SMME: It’s sand, sir.
ASTER: Sand? But that’s impossible
STACHE: when you say sand, do you mean the utterly worthless granular material one associates with the water’s edge?
SMME: Yes, sir.
STACHE: I see. (then, to Asher) Perchance you think a treasure trunk sans treasure has put my piratical BVDs in a twist? How wrong you are. Yes, I’d hope to be hip-deep in diamonds, but they’re a poor substitute for what I really crave: a bona fide hero to help me feel whole. For without the hero, what am I? Half a villain; a pirate in part; ruthless, but toothless. And then I saw heroic old you, and I thought “Maybe? Can it be? Is he the one I’ve been waiting for? Would he, for example, give up something precious for the daughter he loves?” But alas, he gives up sand. Now lets see: hero with treasure, very good. Hero with no treasure…doable. No hero and a trunk full o’ sand? Not s’ much. (suddenly monstrous) NOW, WHERE’S MY TREASURE?!?
SMEE: What if they swapped the trunks, sir?
STACHE: Swapped, y’ say?
SMEE: (smacks himself on his head) Stupid idea, Smee. Stupid, stupid!
STACHE: Swapped, yes. Switched-right there on the duck.
SMEE: Deck.
STACHE: Deck. In which case-
SMEE: The trunk with the treasure’s aboard to Neverland.
STACHE: Destiny check! What do we know about Neverland?
(Neverland model enters, pushed slowly by boy)
SMEE: She’s a slow ship, Cap’n.
STACHE: Sadly slow. And what’s our ship, the Wasp?
(A large model of Wasp, pushed by Sanchez, surges past the Neverland and races across the front stage.)
SMEE: We’re fast, Cap’n
STACHE: Super-fast! Which means we’re leagues ahead of her by now, Einstein! Change of course! (to Sanchez) Hard about! (Sanchez keeps pushing the Wasp forward. Stache turns on Aster) You’re behind this swappery, Aster, or I’m the Queen of England!
ASTER: God save her.
STACHE: Oh, shut up! (to Sanchez) I said hard about, Gomez!
SANCHEZ: It’s Sanchez, sir.
STACHE: Hit the pedal, Gretel!
SANCHEZ: That’s Sanchez, sir!
STACHE: Burn rubber, Bubba!
SANCHEZ: Ay de mi! Que demonio! Debo protestar!
STACHE: GIVE ME IT, Y’SHROOM! You pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Now, juice it!
(Stache turns the Wasp around and kicks Sanchez in the tush to get him started in the other direction. The Boy turns and flees with the Neverland.)
The chase is on! The die is cast! The game’s afoot--!
(jumps on trunk but trips and crashes, then takes a majestic reclining pose)
I want treasure, boys! Catch me a Neverland!!
(Stache is carried off atop the trunk to victory)

Scene 8
The NEVERLAND – BILGE DUNGEON
(with the boys at her feet, Molly finishes the bedtime story)
MOLLY: And as the princess slept, a big forest grew up around the castle, keeping everybody out. Everybody but one man. Boys?
BOY: The Prince, right?
MOLLY: The Prince, yes, very good. He chopped his way to Sleeping Beauty’s room, saw his true love and kissed her, just once, sweetly on the lips.
TED: (in his sleep) Mmm… pork.
MOLLY: And True Love’s Kiss broke the spell, the Princess found her Prince, and they all lived happily ever—(her amulet suddenly glows and rings) The amulet again! Talk to me, Daddy!
(Molly leaves the sleeping boys and heads for the deck. Aster appears on the Wasp.)
NARRATOR ASTER: With the Wasp racing at flank speed for the Neverland, Leonard Aster clears his mind and tries to reach Molly. (They lift their amulets away from their chests for better reception.)
MOLLY: Daddy, are you there? Hello, hello?
ASTER: Can you hear me now? (adjusts amulet) Can you hear me now?
MOLLY: Daddy—the Queen’s trunk is here, on board the Neverland!
ASTER: Not in English! Too dangerous.
MOLLY: Oh dear, please don’t speak in—
ASTER: Brump burppel whee!
MOLLY: Oh Daddy, not Dodo.
ASTER: Myah myah vrrreeep!
MOLLY: Parrots? A flock of parrots?
ASTER: Vrrrraaap, vrrrrreeep! Eeeep!
MOLLY: Parrots have taken over your ship? Well, what genius brought parrots--?
ASTER: PIRATES! We’ve been taken over by pirates!
MOLLY: Pirates! Oh, that hard “I” sound is so tricky—
ASTER: Molly! The Wasp is bearing down on the Neverland! Soon as we catch you, steer clear of Black Stache and BRING THE TRUNK TO ME!
MOLLY: I will!
ASTER: Don’t let me down, Daughter! This is your mission now!
MOLLY: (ecstatic at the responsibility) Yes, sir. Thank you, sir! Cwa-cwah! Cwa-cwah! Vreeep!
BOY: What are you doing? (Startled, she lets go of amulet; lights out on Aster)

Scene Nine
THE NEVERLAND -- ON DECK

(Molly turns to find the boy on the deck behind her.)
MOLLY: Sorry, what? Um - get below, boy. If Slank sees you on deck he’ll rear up like the –
BOY: You were talking to your neck-thing.
MOLLY: No, I wasn’t.
BOY: I know what I saw.
MOLLY: Well, there was…there was a porpoise swimming alongside the ship, and it was making those funny noises that porpoises make, and I thought I’d make some funny noises too, that’s all.
BOY: So you were talking to a fish.
MOLLY: Porpoises are not fish. They’re mammals, just like you….or Germans.
BOY: Then how come your neck thing glows and rings all by itself?
MOLLY: ( not very convincing ) It’s for swimming. I’m a good swimmer. It’s a swimming medal.
BOY: Right. Swimming. Sure. And what’s starstuff?
MOLLY: Decision. I’m going to trust you.
BOY: Why? I’m just a boy.
MOLLY: I know. Pity. (remembers the Boy’s “ Sorry” manifesto, looks at the sky.) You like to look at the stars? Well, they are –
BOY: There’s so many…
MOLLY: They look safe, don’t they, sparkling up there like diamonds.
BOY: I like when they shoot across they sky! Shoom!
MOLLY: ( suddenly very like her father) Sometimes pieces hem fall to earth – little bits that look like sand. Can you keep a secret?
BOY: I can.
ALL: WE CAN.
MOLLY: Those little bits are starstuff. The trunk in Slank’s cabin is full of it. ( indicates the amulet ) There’s some in here too – in case I’m ever in trouble.
BOY: ( Tries to touch the amulet ) Starstuff? Lemme see!!
MOLLY: NO!! ( pulls the amulet away ) It changes people if they touch it.
BOY: How?
MOLLY: Different ways – depending on what they want to be.
BOY: So if somebody gets there hands on this starstuff and –
MOLLY: --and they’re evil and greedy like Genghis Khan, or they’re hungry for world domination like Caesar or Napoleon or, you know Ayn Rand –
BOY: Who’s that?
MOLLY: Uch, didn’t you learn anything at that orphanage?
BOY: Was kind of busy trying not to die.
MOLLY: Oh.
BOY: If starstuff’s so dangerous, why’re you after it?
MOLLY: I’m a Starcatcher. We have special powers that we use in secret- to keep starstuff away from tyrants who ty to rule the world.
BOY: You mean, like Queen Victoria?
MOLLY: God Save Her. And no, that’s different. She doesn’t need starstuff to rule the world. She’s British.
BOY: So you’re a—what is it?
MOLLY: Starcatcher. There’s only six and a half of us on the planet.
BOY: Six and a half?
MOLLY: I’m still an apprentice.
BOY: Okay, so prove it.
MOLLY: What?
BOY: Go on, amaze me with your special powers.
MOLLY: It’s not a magic show. I’m not like some magician guy.
BOY: Well, I mean if you can’t actually do anything…
MOLLY: Fine whatever. (then) To have faith is to have wings.
Molly puts her hands around her amulet, closes her eyes, and floats a few inches off the deck, then down again.
BOY: Whoa.
MOLLY: Satisfied?
BOY: So that cat was flying. C’mon, I wanna fly, too! Like you and the cat!
MOLLY: Get serious, will you?! The starstuff has to be destroyed.
BOY: (not believing in himself yet) You want me to destroy it??
MOLLY: Don’t be ridiculous. My father is going to throw it into the world’s hottest active volcano – Mount Jalapeno.
BOY: Where’s that?
MOLLY: Rundoon, wouldn’t you know it. Problem is, King Zarboff would kill for even a thimble of starstuff!
BOY: Hey, I can help. See I’m going to be the King’s new helper. So when we get to Rundoon, I’ll just ask him –
MOLLY: You’re not going to be his helper. You’re going to be snake food! Zarboff likes to buy orphans and feed them to his snakes!
BOY: So Grempkin lied.
MOLLY: King Zarboff the Third is evil – he’s worst Zarboff yet!
BOY: Grown-ups always lie! It’s all they ever do!
MOLLY: You want to help? Then help me get that to my father!
BOY: Hey, you know what? Forget it! Why should I help anybody??? WHAT’S ANYBODY EVER DONE FOR ME??
(Out of nowhere, Slank!)
SLANK: You!
BOY: (furious) Snake-food? Really?
SLANK: (circling boy the Boy like a shark about to attack) I told you to stay in your crate, orphan sludge.
BOY: When exactly were you going to tell us you were—
SLANK: That’s it. Bill Slank is drawin’ the line! I may have not been born with a silver spoon up me bum, but that don’t mean I won’t stir my tea with one!
MOLLY: Ew.
BOY: That’s gross.
MOLLY: Get below, boy.
(Molly gets safely out of harm’s way, but Slank brutally hurls his whip and snags the Boy.)
SLANK: He ain’t goin’ below, he’s goin’ over!
BOY: Let go! Lemme go!
(Slank reels the Boy in, close to the rail of the ship. The Neverland is lurching now, the sea below churning and getting wilder.)
SLANK: Zarboff promised me his whole bleedin’ fleet in exchange for the trunk in my cabin.
NARRATOR ALF: Strong gust blowing , winds hit 34 knots!
BOY: (fighting for his life) I HATE GROWN-UPS!
SLANK: Make like a kitten: take a long, long time to drown Bottom’s up, boy!
(Slank picks up the Boy and holds him aloft.)
BOY: Not overboard! Please! I can’t –
SLANK: Can’t what?
BOY: SWIM!
(Slank tosses the Boy into the sea. He sinks below the waves, then claws his way to the surface , spitting up water. Molly swims on.)
(Molly gets safely out of harm’s way, but Slank brutally hurls his whip and snags the Boy.)
SLANK: he ain’t going below, he’s going over!
BOY: Let go! Lemme go!
SLANK: reels the boy in , close to the rail of the ship. the Neverland is lurching now, the sea below churning and getting wilder.
SLANK: Zarboff promised me his whole bleedin’ fleet in exchange for the trunk in his cabin.
BOY: (fighting for his life) I HATE GROWN-UPS!
SLANK: Make like a kitten: take a long, long time to drown! Bottom’s up, boy!
Slank picks up the Boy and holds him aloft.
BOY: Not overboard! Please I can’t-
SLANK: Can’t what
BOY: SWIM!
(Slank tosses the Boy into the sea. He sinks below the waves, then claws his way to the surface, spitting up water. Molly swims on.)
MOLLY: Here I am, Boy! All be well!
(Molly saves the Boy and backstrokes him to the ship and safety. A gull flies over the waves, squawking at the building storm and the rolling sea.)

Scene Ten
THE NEVERLAND AND THE WASP

NARRATOR SCOUT: winds approaching 40 knots,white caps heavy, crests overchanching. (On the Neverland, a sailor spots in the wasp on the horizon and yells down to the deck below)
SAILOR SMEE: ship off the forward bow! cut of ‘er jib, she could be the Wasp.
SAILOR SCOTT: The wasp? After us? Better tell Slank!
(thunder1 molly drags the boy on and drops him with a thud)
MOLLY: backstroke is my event, and I do so like to finish first. I win more medals at school than anyone, exept for Daphne Cooper--- but daphne cooper is a swot. (kicks the boy in the side) deep breathes,. here we go.
BOY: (spits and coughs, then ) you saved my life.
MOLLY: of course.
BOY: why?
MOLLY: because im the leader.
BOY: But you don’t even like me.
MOLLY: the leader cant go about saving only the people she likes.
BOY: the leader has to be a boy.
MOLLY: Only if the boy knows there’s more important things in this world than saving his own neck.
BOY: Like what?
MOLLY: Like saving someone else’s.
MACK: Ship off the forward bow! Cut of ‘er jib, she could be the Wasp!
SLANK: (from amidships) Must’ve figgered out I swapped the trunks!
MACK: We’ll never outrun a frigate, Captain.
SLANK: We can bleedin’ well try! Billow the wopsil! (The Neverland begins to sway and creak.) Here’s the breeze now, ye bilge-rats! (to the Wasp) Y’want yer trunk? You’ll have to catch me first! (to Mack) Follow the wind, weevil! Hard to starboard!
MACK: (comes down to Slank, holding up his branded hand) Starboard? That ain’t the one with the big P, is it?
The Boy runs to the wheel and spins it furiously.
NARRATOR BOY: The boy spins the ship’s wheel for everything he’s worth!
SLANK: He’s changed our course!
BOY, SLANK, MACK: STRAIGHT FOR THE WASP!
Triumphant, the Boy spins the wheel wildly.

NARRATORS SLANK, BOY: Wind 55 knots! Strong gale, rolling seas, blowing spray!
NARRATORS MACK, MOLLY: The Neverland crashes into the waves!
NARRATORS STACHE, SMEE: Bucking and barreling straight for the Wasp!
Stache stands at the bow of the Wasp, his pirates crouching around the mast.
STACHE: D’you see what I see, Smee?
SMEE: The Neverland, Cap’n! She’s headin’ right for us!
STACHE: This is too easy! I think I’m even feeling a weensy bit guilty. (pouts a moment) And… I’m over it. (barks the command) Up the gunter! Prepare to board!
SMEE: Up the gunter!
The pirates buck with a huge, rolling wave!
STACHE: And keep the Union Jack flying so Bill Slank thinks we’ll be polite!
SMEE: So devious! So very devious!
STACHE: Neverland, HO! Victory is OURS! Well, MINE!
SLANK: Pucker up, lads! We’ll kiss her any minute now!
MACK: The damn’d orphan boy- he’s ruined us!
SLANK: Orphans ruin everything! Hold on to yer ditty bag, boys! Here comes the Wasp!
NARRATOR MACK: Two ships make toward each other, tiny craft against the bounding main.
(A long shot of the open sea: two crews assemble behind two captains, steering two tiny ships and two similar trunks toward a moment a reckoning. Stache and his pirates, with the sand trunk on the Wasp, feign British seamen:)
STACHE: Lordy, lordy- just in time for tea.
SMEE: Scones from Fortnum’s!
STACHE: Devon cream!
SLANK: (on the Neverland) We can beat her, boys! She’s only a ship full o’ fops!
SMEE: (on the Wasp) Now, Boss?
STACHE: Now! Run up the Jolly Roger!
(A pirate replaces the Union Jack with the pirate flag.)
SLANK: It’s pirates! (to fleeing sailors) Come back, ye cowards!
(But it’s too late. Stache stands on the deck of the Neverland, behind a phalanx of pirates.)
STACHE: Hallo, Neverland. I believe this trunk belongs to you. And you have something of ours.
MELEE! Then, FREEZE!
NARRATOR PRENTISS: Wind 67 knots! That’s 200 (suddenly self-conscious) Everybody!
NARRATORS: THAT’S 200 MILES PER HOUR! LARGE WAVES OVER 50 FEET! DISASTER! DESTRUCTION! DEVASTATION!
(Molly finds the boys below deck in the bilge dungeon.)
MOLLY: You! Boy! You turned us around so the Wasp could catch us!
BOY: Pretty cheeky, huh?
MOLLY: (delighted by this fellow) Pretty cheeky.
(The Boy runs off. A boxing bell rings: DING, DING, DING!
NARRATOR SCOTT: And, up on deck, two captains square off for the greatest of grand prizes!
(A boxing ring forms around Slank and Stache.)
BOXING ANNOUNCER PRENTISS: Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for coming out on this stormy night for our featured bout! In this corner, direct from Slough by the way of Despond, with the intimacy issues and the claggy knickers, it’s no mother’s son and no man’s pal: BILL “THE RAT BASTARD” SLANK! (All cheer.) And in this corner, sporting his famous flavor-saver since the tender age of ten, the most fearsome pirate on the pike, all hands on deck for THE BLACK STACHE! (Smee, alone, cheers Stache.) This is a one round knockout match. Kicking, spitting, and gouging is preferred. Hitting below the belt is not required, though the fans tend to like it.
ALL: WE LOVE IT!
BOXING ANNOUNCER PRENTISS: Now shake hands and come out rhyming!
(A (s)word fight between Slank and Stache:)
SLANK: Take a hike, y’mingy crumb! The trunk is mine, so kiss me bum!
STACHE: I’ll kiss ya, Bill, with me French roaster, rolley-coaster, upper-cutter, flipper-flopper!
SLANK: Which I dodge like so, behind-your-backsie, which needs-a-wax, by the by
STACHE: Or me God’s-annoited, double-jointed, triple-pointed belly-whopper!
SLANK: Or me on-yer-kneesy, easy-peasy, Java-neesy battle cry!
STACHE: Me dog’s dinner!
SLANK: Me shark-shanker!
STACHE: Me winkle-pinner!
SLANK: Me Slanker-planker!
STACHE: “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” (cold-cocks Slank) There he lies, a jumped-up cabin boy who doesn’t know his place. (approaching Slank lethally) Gimme the Queen’s trunk or say yer g’byes, y’ bathtub captain!
(Stache raises his weapon. But- CRACK!!! Lightning strikes the Neverland. Everyone scatters. Molly, atop the Queen’s trunk, hurtles across the deck, howling. Stache and Slank re-enter.)
NARRATOR STACHE: CRACK! The sound of splintering wood! Flapping canvas whipped by wind!
NARRATOR STACHE: The Neverland-
NARRATOR SLANK: - she’s split in two!
NARRATOR STACHE: Stem to stern!
NARRATOR SLANK: Fore and aft!
NARRATORS: A WHOLE SHIP HALF’D!!
(Two sailors split a model of the Neverland in two. The company splits and tumbles, half of the company with each half of the ship, the churning sea in between.)
SAILOR BOY: Abandon ship! Abandon ship!
SAILOR SMEE: She’s broken in half! Main-brace’s gone!
(Molly and Mrs. Bumbrake struggle with the Queen’s trunk.)
MOLLY: We’re saving the trunk, and that’s all there is to it!
(Slank appears out of nowhere.)
SLANK: (in watery close-up) O, the waves swallow me up, a great shroud of sea. And the sharks start nibbling away, like me mother’s kisses- MOTHER! Ye left me on the steps of a tattoo parlor, wrapped in a half-eaten bag of fish ‘n’ chips. Round me neck, a note “Orphan Bill Slank: too wicked to end well.” (The waves cover SLANK.)
NARRATOR MACK: TTFN!
ALF: (hollering overboard) Ye good fer nothing bucket o’ scum!
MRS. BUMBRAKE: My white knight!!
MOLLY: Now, let’s get moving!
(Aster appears on the Wasp, holding his amulet, telepathing:)
ASTER: Molly! Molly, I’m locked in the broom cabin!
MOLLY: (holds her amulet, triumphant) DADDY, THE TRUNK IS OURS!
ASTER: BRING IT TO ME!!
(On the other half of the Neverland:)
PIRATE SLANK: Abandon ship!
PIRATE ALF: Abandon ship!
(Smee enters with the trunk full of sand.)
SMEE: (airport-style announcement) Check your trunks! Some trunks may appear identical to other trunks!
PIRATE ALF: (running past SMEE) Save yourself!
(Smee runs off. The Boy runs on. Molly, atop the Queen’s trunk on the other half of the Neverland, spots him.)
MOLLY: Help, Boy! I need more time to get the Queen’s trunk to my father!
BOY: (sees the sand trunk just sitting there) Don’t worry! I’ll stall the pirates! (sits on the trunk, all innocence, as Stache runs past) Some weather, huh?
STACHE: (stops dead, spins) What are you?
BOY: What are you?
STACHE: WHAT AM I?1?
PIRATES: BLACK STACHE!!!
BOY: Never heard o’ you.
STACHE: Liar! The Stache is on everyone’s lips. (nonchalantly) Why, is that the Queen’s trunk you’re sitting on?
BOY: Oh yeah, Queen’s trunk, totally. Molly Aster told me to protect it.
STACHE: From who?
BOY: Pirates like you.
STACHE: But we have all the fun!
BOY: You do?
STACHE: Abso-loony. A little swash, a bit o’ buckle-you’d love it more than bread! Now, give us the trunk and join the party… er… appellation, please. (off the Boy’s blank face) Yer name, bub.
BOY: No name. Orphan.
STACHE: (affecting pity) You’re more at sea than Columbus, boy. If you were a pirate, you’d have a proper name.
BOY: You could do that?
STACHE: I’m the boss, ain’t I? How about Bluebeard Bob? (nixes this) Long John Larry? (a thought) Oooh! We hung a bloke from the yardarm week ago Wednesday-Pirate Pete. That’s available.
BOY: Pirate Pete…
STACHE: Good solid name is Peter, like a rock. That’s what you’ll be, boy, my rock. Now, gimme the trunk.
BOY: (hereafter called Peter) Peter. Yeah. I like that.
STACHE: Evocative as a Madeleine in a Proust novel. Now, gimme the trunk.
PETER: And what would I do?
STACHE: You’d star in my nasty crew. Infamy! Calamity! Fraternity! You need to connect, boy.
PETER: Peter.
STACHE: You need to connect, Peter. No man is an archipelago. Now, be a good Peter and give your captain his GREAT BIG TREASURE!! (throws Peter off the trunk and flings it open!) Sand again!
PETER: You blew it, Stache! The Queen’s trunks safe on the Wasp (calling off) we saved the treasure, Molly !! We saved the world!!!
STACHE: You’re really killing my buzz, boy – to which I say die! (Stache throws Peter overboard)
PETER: Not again!
(Peter falls into the sea and bobs on one side of stage. Across, Aster appears on the Wasp. In between, Molly stands on the Queen’s trunk aboard what’s left of the Neverland.)
MOLLY: Not again! The boy’s gone overboard!!
ASTER: Molly, bring me the trunk!
PETER: Help! I can’t swim!
MOLLY: But Daddy, he boy needs help!
ASTER: Molly, this is a direct order: BRING THE TRUNK TO ME!
MOLLY: this trunk floats, boy!
PETER: My name’s Peter!
MOLLY: Peter! I like it!
PETER: Me too!
MOLLY: There’s a island, Peter! Ride the trunk to the island! (Molly pushes the Queen’s trunk overboard)
ASTER: Molly no!!!
(Tempest-tossed by the terrible storm, everyone prepares to abandon ship.)
ALL: (singing)
Crack and rip and crack again!
Soaked by sea and soaked by rain!
Soon, we pray, the storm be done,
And when it’s done,
Pray you see the sun!
(From out of the sea-spray, Alf clings to Mrs. Bumbrake.)
ALF: Grab a spar, Mrs. Bumbrake, grab a spar!
MRS. BUMBRAKE:
What’s a spar!
ALF:
This is no time to argue
And we can’t stay where we are!
MRS.BUMBRAKE:
Oh, the wind is like a whip
ALF:
Take me hand! Abandon ship!
MRS.BUMBRAKE: But my Molly, oh my Molly-
What a bloody awful trip!
(Alf and Mrs. Bumbrake jump! Stache and Smee appear, railing against the storm.)
STACHE: Blow your winds! Oh, you winds1 I’m still a man!
SMEE: You’re the man!
STACHE: Thank you Smee.
Carry me and all the other crap you can!
Even in the churning sea,
Still I am the captain, Smee
And the Pirate Code I follow:
“One for all, and all for me!” (Stache and Smee jump!)
PRENTISS: I’m the leader!
TED: No, you’re not!
PRENTISS: Yes I am!
TED: When there’s a few of us.
There can’t be a leader now!
PRENTISS: Why not?
TED: There’s only two of us!
PRENTISS: Jump! C’mon Ted! We’ll jump together!
TED: I was thinking we could maybe wait for a slightly better weather!
(Ted and Prentiss jump! Molly prepares to dive.)
ALL (EXCEPT FOR MOLLY):
The Neverland has come apart!
Screw your courage, steel your heart!
MOLLY: Somewhere out there search for him!
Dive, Molly Aster, and swim!
ALL: Swim on against the current.
Swim on against the sea,
Tho’ the tide may turn against us,
Tho’ to strong the tide may be.
Tho’ each, stroke grows heavy,
Tho’ each breath is agony,
We try ‘til we can breathe no more.
To clamber up the nearest shore,
And fall upon our knees before
The truth sets us free-
(Peter floats atop the Queen’s trunk, fashioning a mast from a branch and a sail out of his shirt)
STACHE: Follow the trunk, Smee Get me to that island!
MOLLY: Get to the island, Peter! And don’t let the trunk out of you’re sight!
(The clouds lift, and the sun breaks through)
ALL: Swim an against the current.
Swim on against the sea,
Tho’ the tide may turn against you,
Tho’ too strong the tide may be
And tho’ your arms be leaden
Slicing through the spray and foam,
Swim on, swim on
Swim on, swim on.
Swim on againstthe current
‘Til your courage bring you home,
‘Til you stand
On the land
Safely home!
(Peter now jubilant atop the trunk, sails towards the green island. BLACKOUT.)



PETER and the STARCATCHER by Rick Elice

ACT 2

Prologue—
MOLLUSK ISLAND--SHORE
(A fetching mob of mermaids enters in front of the curtain to celebrate their encounter with starstuff)
MERMAID STACHE: (singing)
You’re likely wond’ring what we’ve had to drink now.
And you might think, “Now,
They’ve gone to far.”
But something we should not have been exposed to
We got too close to
By swimming aft
Of Peter’s raft
And here we are.
And it was starstuff
From the skies
That made each fish
The lovely dish
Before your eyes .
Now fins are fingers,
Human-style .
Because of starstuff
We smile.
ALL: And it was starstuff
From above.
MERMAID STACHE: It gave us necks.
It gave us pecks.
What’s not to love?
ALL: Oh, how we tingle,
And ev’ry day’s spring.
Because of starstuff
We sing.
Oh yes, It’s starstuff
We adore.
I got a buzz.
Oh, what it does.
I want some more.
I’m all warm and fuzzy
I’m wild and free!
I love how starstuff
(Mm-mm)
Made a mermaid outta me!
It was the starstuff
That dissolved.
You get a thrill,
You lose a gill,
Your problem’s solved.
Each arrow tooth and ahi,
Each mainly mahi-mahi,
FLOUNDER: I was a flounder, yessir.
SMELT: And I, a smelt.
TUNA: I was a yellowtail
Tuna ‘til I felt a warm and fuzzy feeling
That started my heat reelin’
When starstuff made my tuna melt.
EEL: And oh, what a glow as you fins start a-growing some more.
COD: Go with the flow as your glow gets you going some more.
HERRING: Soon you’re breathing air.
SOLE: Soon you’re growing hair.
GIRL FISH: Soon it’s long and curly.
SMELT: Soon you’re acting girly.
ALL: Are now the coolest creatures in the sea
Hoo-wee!
To the surf add the turf
For the starstuff made a mermaid out of me
Mermaids are we!
(Dance Break)
And each of us were made,
Each him and her made,
Into a-
Break the oldest of nature’s laws!
We’ll never be fish again because-
Starstuff
Made a mermaid outta me!
Made a mermaid outta me!
Made a mermaid outta me!
It makes you what you wanna be!
Shoop!
(Mermaids exit, alluringly)

Scene One:
MOUNTAINTOP
(Mollusk Island- a sense of enormous space, clear skies, bright sun, clean air. Peter is asleep on the queens trunk.)
PETER: (dreaming) that you molly? Im coming! Wait for me!(bolts upright, awake)Molly wait! (Realizes, alarmed) no, nots’ posted to sleep. s’posed to be guarding the trunk, not –What if she came and-(stands on truck and searches horizon) I DID WHAT YOU SAID, MOL- dragged it up right a mountain! (Silence) nope, no molly (blinded by the glare) so. . Bright. Holy –Know what that is? That must be the sun! Im feeling you , sun! (Realizing how much he can see) And check-it-out!!! Space. Light. Air. Im finally FREE! (Echo of FREE, free….delights him.) And im gonna have ….freedoms! What ever I want.
(a yellow bird enters and alights on his shoulder!)
Whoa. Hey bird, what’s up? Me? Well, let’s see…saved the world. Got a name. Not to shabby. I just – I wonder if Teddy and Prentiss made it off the ship before it sank. I mean how weird would it be if they-(a chill up his spine, looks up) please let them be okay. (Scared now, a lost boy) Bird, we should make a pact. I don’t leave you, you don’t leave me. Deal? (The bird flies off) no come back1 I don’t want to be alone! COME BACK!
(Echo of BACK, back, back …. leaves him desolate, but he tries to rally.)
Hey fine. No molly no teddy, no Prentiss…..so what? This is perfect. Nobody s after me with a stick. Nothing between me and the sky. I can be a boy for a while. It’s all I want anyway. (Giving in to to the emptiness) I gotta get out here (Ted staggers on)
TED: Sorry, did you wanna be alone?
PETER: No! Stay with me.
TED: Good answer.
PETER: (to heaven) Thank you!
Prentiss appears.
PRENTISS: You ready for this? Teddy floats! WE jumped overboard and I held on to Teddy, and the two of us bobbed all the way here!
PETER: Prentiss!
PRENTISS: No-Name!
PETER: I got one now. It’s Peter.
TED: Solid.
PRENTISS: Whatever.
Peter Stands on the trunk and has a good look around.
PETER: Look, the Wasp! Way out there, you see it? It’s still in one piece.
PRENTISS: Oh no – I see where this is going.
TED: Where’s Mother?
PRENTISS: For the love of- her name is Molly! And she probably drowned.
PETER: No! She dove off the ship as it went down. She’s like, a real swimmer. I think she made it to the Wasp. Or maybe she’s floating on what’s left of the Neverland-
Split scene: Mrs.Bumbrake and Alf adrift on Neverland flotsam.
MRS.BUMBRAKE: Paddle faster can’t yer? There’s a beach, there!
ALF: You want speed? Find me a sail!
MRS.BUMBRAKE: We’ll end up in China drifting like this. And I’m in no mood for moo shoo, Alf! Tried it once- went through me like the winter wind in Wessex!
Alf and Mrs.Bumbrake float off.
PETER” (looking down the mountain) Or maybe Molly’s down there, in the jungle.
jungle noises threaten. boys consider this.
PRENTISS: I say we wait for her up here.
PETER: (summoning his courage) C’mon! Help me hide the trunk, and we’ll find some branches down the beach.
TED: At some point we’re gonna need food.
peter and Prentiss hide trunk
PETER: Branches, what we need are branches.
TED: (spies pineapple) Hey, I think we found some- (sniffs it) sweet! (tries to bite it) OW!
PRENTISS: Branches, branches… guy’s got a jones for branches-
PETER: To build a raft, you know, so we can float out to the Wasp. We get to the Wasp, Molly’s father’ll have to take us.
PRENTISS: Where?
PETER: Home. (offers hand) C’mon- everybody holds hands and nobody gets lost. Clear?
TED: Crystal. (to Prentiss) Eww, your hand is all sweaty.
PRENTISS: Yes, because perspiration in part of true leadership.
sunlight disappears as the boys head down mountain.
Scene 2
boys cling to each other as they enter heart of darkness.
PETER: Are we good?
TED, PRENTISS: Yes!
TED: You there Peter?
PETER: Here, you there Ted?
PETER: You there, Prentiss? (Nothing.) Prentiss? You there? (Nothing) Teddy, you holding on to Prentiss? (Nothing) Teddy? (nothing) (realize his hand is empty) Guys? Where is everybody?
And suddenly they’re deep in the jungle! A tribal chant begins as strange faces appear and disappear from behind the giant foliage
MOLLUSKS: VINO BIANCO! TREBBIANO! MOSCAT! PINOT GRIGIO!
PRENTISS: You said to hang on to each other, Peter!
MOLLUSKS: GNOCCHI!
TED: Where are you, Peter?
MOLLUSKS: CANNOLI!
PETER: I’m here, Ted.
MOLLUSKS: GNOCCHI!
TED: I’m scared, Peter!
MOLLUSKS: CANNOLI!
PRENTISS: I can’t see a thing!
MOLLUSKS: GNOCCHI!
TED: Help! Gorillas!
STACHE: Oh, hello!
PETER: Who are you?
FIGHTING PRAWN: LINGUINI!
MOLLUSKS: VINO TOSSO! MONTEPULACIANO!
STACHE: Hot enough for ya?
TED: (re: pineapple) How do we eat this?
MOLLUSKS: TOCAI E DOLCETTO!
STACHE: There! Footprints!
PRENTISS: Something’s chasing me.
FIGHTING PRAWNS: MONTEPULACIANO!
MOLLUSKS: MONTEPULACIANO!
PETER: Who’s that? What the-
FIGHTING PRAWN: CHIANTI!
STACHE: I’m right behind you!
MOLLUSKS: LINGUINI!
STACHE: And a biscuit, Smee!
TED: Help! I’m hungry!
PRENTISS: Help! I’m lost!
STACHE: I’m gonna find you!
MOLLUSKS: CHAINTI!
PETER: I’ll find you, Ted! Keep heading down!
STACHE: I’m sweating, Smee!
PRENTISS: Which way down?
PETER: Prentiss! Teddy! Guys! You hear me?
TED: HUNGRY PETER!
STACHE: WANT THAT TREASURE!
PRENTISS: I’M THE LEADER!
SMEE: WANT THAT TREASURE!
TED, PRENTISS: HELP ME, PETER!
STACHE, SMEE: WANT THAT TRUNK!
MOLLY: World-class swimmer that we know me to be, I reached the island in record time! I’m awfully glad I saved the boy, even if daddy’s furious. Saving the whole world’s a bit abstract for a thirteen-year-old. Putting a human face on it makes it more jolly. (then) Oh, this training bra sure is irksome! (fixes it) Now, I really must fetch Daddy’s trunk and bring it back to the Wasp, or my first-ever mission’ll be my last. Don’t worry, Peter, wherever you are! I’ll find you!
MOLLUSKS: VINO ROSSO! MONTEPULACIANO! TOCAI E DOLCETTO!
Fighting Prawn, King of the Mollusks, reveals himself. He wears a British top hat with a green feather in the band.
FIGHTING PRAWN: PRIMI, PRANZO-DOPO, GABINETTO! (realizing the boys don’t understand) Hallo. I am King of this island, and you boys are my prisoners (“seize them!”) LASAGNA!
The mollusks raise a great hue and cry as they surround the boys with spears.

Scene 3
FIGHTING PRAWN: You three will do nicely.
TED: (surprised) You speak English?
FIGHTING PRAWN: If I mush. Prefrerez- vous que je parle fancais ?
PRENTISS: But you’re savages!
FIGHTING PRAW: We mollusks are no savages. I know where savagery is, boy. when I was a young man, English landed here, took me to your island in chains. Many long years I serve as kitchen slave in Not-So-Great Britain. Until by kindness of fate-
HAWKING CLAM: -a shipwreck brought my father back to Mollusk Island.
FIGHTING PRAWN: Yes. in your language, my name is Fighting Prawn. This is my son, Hawking Clam. (mollusks hair their royal family with a brief chant.)
My son shall one day wear this hat
Once worn by British phony.
I beat his eggs while he beat me.
I stole his hat and walked out free
The day I served him smilingly
A poisoned cannelloni.
mollusk appreciate the ritual.
HAWKING CLAM: Come, it is time.
PRENTISS: Time?
FIGHTING PRAWN: Feeding time.
TED: Feeding time, finally.
HAWKING CLAM: Not where you eat, piggy boy. Where you are eaten.
FIGHTING PRAWN: You must answer to the law: The Law of Mister Grin.
PRENTISS: Who’s Mister Grin?
HAWKING CLAM: We worship him, and he protects us from foreign trouble-makers.
FIGHTING PRAWN: Come, we feed you know to vicious crocodile.
A terrible ROAR from off! The boys are terrified!
PETER: WAIT!!! Please don’t feed us to any crocodile. First-first take us to Mister Grin.
FIGHTING PRAWN: Crocodile is Mister Grin. (“Take them!”) PASTO!
PETER: Wait! We can, um- we can give you a great gift.
FIGHTING PRAWN: (“Release them”) ANTIPASTO! (to Peter) You said “gift”?
PETER: A story- yeah, we’ll give you a bedtime story. Sleeping Beauty. Right, guys?
TED: Sleeping Beauty, yeah. The this is, I nodded off before the end.
PETER: (sotto voice to TED) Maybe they will too, and we can get outta here! (To fighting prawn) We give you story, you let us live, and we leave you island. Deal?
FIGHTING PRAWN: Okey dokey. But if I am not entertained, it’s Mister Grin for all of you!! Assume the position! (mollusks sit) You have one minute!
TED: (Stricken) One minute? What’m I supposed to do in one minute? I can’t transform, I can’t inhabit the character-
FIGHTING PRAWN: Bring me the holy relic of my captivity!
HAWKING CLAM: Here, Mighty Father. The kitchen timer.
Hawking Clam hands over timer. Fighting Prawn winds it.
FIGHTING PRAWN: One minute, starting… NOW!
we hear a Jeopardy-like TICK TOCK under:
PRENTISS: Um…One at a time-
TED: Once upon a time- that’s how they always start! Upon a time, upon a time!!
FIGHTING PRAWN: Tick-tock, tick-tock… hungry, Mr. Grin?
Mr.Grin ROARS!
PRENISS: Okay, okay! Once upon a time, there was a beautiful baby Princess: (cries) Waaah!
One of the Mollusks pokes Ted, scaring him into action.
TED: And an evil witch with a curse: A-ha-ha!
PRENTISS: Waaah!
TED: A-ha-ha!
Peter slaps Prentiss-move it along!
PRENTISS: Waaah!
TED: A-ha-ha!
Prentiss smacks Ted. They start to smack each other Peter interrupts with:
PETER: And the curse was very terrible, for every time the baby cried-
PRENTISS: Waaah!
PETER: - the kingdom would fall asleep!
Peter snores grossly then conducts the following:
PRENTISS: Waaah!
PETER: (snores)
TED: A-ha-ha!
PRENTISS: Waaah!
PETER: (snores)
TED: A-ha-ha!
PRENTISS: Waaah!
PETER: (snores)
TED: A-ha-ha!
PETER, PRENTISS, TED: (edging away to safety. singing)
And Beauty was her nme-oh!
Minster Grin ROARS! The boys, frightened, return to the stage.
PRENTISS: So the King marched over to his favorite horse!
TED: (becoming a horse) Naaayyy!
PRENTISS: (jumping on Ted’s back) And he rode to the tallest tree-(Peter assumes the shape of s tree. Ted and Prentiss gallop to him) And he climbed up to speak to the wise old owl!
TED: (becoming an owl, perched on Peter’s arm-branch)Whooo?
PRENTISS: The King, a real leader, sorta like me-
TED: (as horse) Naaayyy!
Ted drops Prentiss hard.
PRENTISS: Focus, piggy boy!
TED: (deeply insulted) PIGGY BOY?!?
Ted and Prentiss brawl. Ted accidentally smacks Peter.
PETER: Sticky pudding!
TED: (fainting) Sticky pudding. It’s so good…
Minster Grin ROARS!
FIGHTING PRAWN: Fifteen seconds, Minster Grin!
The boys press on, now with courtly elegance:
TED: And soon the princess was old enough to talk-
PRENTISS: “Hi. I’m sixteen, I’m beautiful, and I’m in the market for something long-term …”
PETER: But nobody could stay awake long enough to kiss her!
PRENTISS: (as a record slowing down) And everybody got so sleeepy all of a suddennnn…
TED:” And that’s the story of Sticky Pudding-“ faints again)
PETER, PRENTISS: SLEEPING BEAUTY!
MOLLY: (not able to stand this any longer, comes out of hiding) That’s not the end! They missed the whole emotional arc of the story!
PETER: (to Molly) Where’d you come from??
FIGHTING PRAWN: Goody, another English! (DING! from the kitchen timer.) And your minute is up!
Minster Grin ROARS! Molly and the boys tremble.
PETER: You shoulda stayed hidden, Molly!
The Mollusks gasp!

MOLLY: You abused the concept of theater collective-it was too much for me
MOLLUSKS: (rocking with laughter) Molly! Molly! Molly!
MOLLY: Although, Ted has a real talent.
PRENTISS: Hey! I have talent!
TED: (Sally Field with Oscars) They liked me! They really liked me!
MOLLUSKS: Molly! Molly! Molly!
PETER: What’s so funny?
FIGHTING PRAWN: You called her “Molly”!
MOLLY: Well it’s my name. Molly. (mollusks giggle) What?
FIGHTING PRAWN: In our language, “Molly” means squid poop.
mollusks howl with laughter
HAWKING CLAM: WAIT! (getting back to matter at hand) Entertained, Mighty Father?
Fighting Prawn hands kitchen timer to Prentiss.
FIGHTING PRAWN: First prize- you got me with squid poop. Two thumbs up! Two thumbs way up!
PETER: So you let us live, right? That was the deal.
PRENTISS: (finishing thought to close deal) Which is so great, see, ‘cuz you need us! WE can do all the things you guys don’t wanna do anymore. We’re foreigners- that’s what we’re for!
FIGHTING PRAWN: Nice try. But, the law is the law! All English must die! (Kill them!) CALAMARI!

(he Mollusks point their spears at Molly and the boys)

Scene 4
NARRATOR ASTER: The walls of Mister Grin’s cage are very high. Too high for any boy or girl to climb. Too dark to see the crocodile in front of your face. nd those hard things the boys are sitting on feel like bones. This is bad. This is very bad. (Molly and the boys over and huddle.Ted pineapple. From an adjacent enclosure , Mister Grin ROARS!)
PRENTISS: Teddy, I hope that was your stomach.
TED: I wanna go home.
PRENTISS: What home?
PETER: He made a deal with us , and he lied , just like they always do. I hate grown-ups!
TED: Do something, Prentiss! You’re the leader! Have a plan!
PRENTISS: ( shouts to Mister Grin as he tosses the timer ) Eat the kitchen time and leave us alone!!
Mister Grin ROARS! A chomping sound, then “tick-tock, tick-tock…”Prentiss collapse in tears.
TED: Great, now we can count the seconds ‘till we die.
PETER: (building to a tantrum ) This is all your fault, Molly. Makin’ me feel like this big man who’s gonna save the world! Well, I‘m big man, and I can’t save anything!
MOLLY: Not a good time for a hissy, Peter You Failed, so you try again. My father always says that.
PETER: THEN LET HIM SAVE US!
Mister Grin ROARS! The boys cringe.
MOLLY: Should’ve given the trunk to my father. Then he’d have all the starstuff and – (remembers) Molly, you idiot!
PRENTISS: She’s cracking up.
TED: No, maybe she has a plan.
MOLLY: I do! I have a plan!
Mister Grin ROARS! Giant red eyes appear!
PRENTISS: (shrieking) Eyes! Look at the eyes!
MOLLY: (undeterred) This amulet is my plan! The starstuff inside is my plan!(pointedly, to Peter) You with us, boy, or is it sulk-and-die?
PETER: I’m with you, I’m with you.
MOLLY: Good. (kisses Peter) It’s a better team with you on it, Peter.
Peter is stunned. But Mister Grin’s enclosure ratchets him open!
PRENTISS: HERE IT COMES!
MOLLY: Now, Peter! Get him to open wide!
ROAR!! Ted and Prentiss scream! Peter flings himself into action before he can thik better of it.
PETER: (waving his arms) Tasty boy! Fresh today! Come and eat me!
Mister Grin opens his gaping maw.
MOLLY: Duck!
Molly throws her amulet in Mister Grin’s mouth. A moment f extreme tension. And then … a satisfied burp.
NARRATOR PRENTISS: The ringing of bells fills the air.
NARRATOR TED: And Mister Grin begins to coo, gurgle-
NARRATOR PETER: - and GROW!
NARRATOR MOLLY: Bigger every second!
NARRATOR PETER: Giant mouth!
NARRATOR PRENTISS: Giant teeth!
NARRATOR TED: Giant appetite!
NARRATOR MOLLY: Until the crocodile shatters thought his bamboo enclosure-
NARRATOR PETER, TED, PRENTISS, MOLLY:-an airborne leviathan!
The vast fangs of the airborne Minster Grin appear chomping.
PETER: So basically I’m thinking: Let’s-
TED: -get outta-
PRENTISS:-HERE!!!
The boys and Molly run off, pursued by the giant Mister Grin. Fighting Prawn appears with Hawking Clam in another part of the jungle.
FIGHTING PRAWN: Those dirty, fifthly, rotten ,stinking English!
HAWKING CLAM: They ruin bedtime story!
FIGHTING PRWN: English ruin everything! Why they make Minster Grin so big?
HAWKING CLAM: We catch and kill them, Mighty Father!
FIGHTING PRAWN: But leave Peter Boy and Little Miss Squid Poop for me. Them, Fighting Prawn will butterfly and deep fat fry!
(“After them!”) SCAMPI!!
MOLLUSKS: (from off) BUTTERFLY AND DEEP FAT FRY! BUTTERFLY AND DEEP FAT FRY! BAUTTERFLY AND DEEP FAT FRY!
Hawking Clam, Fighting Prawn, and the rest of the Mollusks pursue the boys, running deeper into the jungle.

Scene 5
Stache enters, carried on by Smee.
STACHE: Set me down, you dozy prat. I can’t go another step.
SMEE: That trunk is hard to find, Cap’n.
STACHE: So it is. Elusive as the melody in Philip Glass opera.
SMEE: Rest yerself a while. Smee’ll track yer treasure solo
STACHE: Negaroni. We’ll trick the pewling spawn and make’em bring it hither. But how to do it? How to smoke’em out-
SMEE: We could lure’em, Cap’n!
STACHE: Lure’em, y’say?
SMEE: (smacks himself on the head) Stupid idea, Smee. Stupid, stupid!
STACHE: Lure ‘em, yes. Down here to the butch.
SMEE: Beach
STACHE: Beach. In which case, we shall need-
SMEE: A magnet. A real big one. That’ll attracted ‘em!
STACHE: Smee, Smee… I know your heart’s in the right place, but – (A distant ROAR.) Smee, you’ve been hitting the three-bean couscous again.
SMEE: ‘Tweren’t I Cap’n
STACHE: Wait! I have it!
SMEE: ( Sees something shocking overhead) Oh, Captain?
STACHE: Lucky for us you saved your ukulele!
SMEE: Captain Stache?????
STACHE: A siren’s song is what we need, Smee, and you’re going to be the luscious siren- (sees Mister grin) WHOA! BIG CROC! (runs off)
SMEE: He’s chewing all the scenery, sir
STACHE: (runs on) not in my scene, you ain’t! (to mister Grin) spare me the theatrics y’reptilian ham! (Mister Grin ROARS monstrously) Abandon spleen!
(stahce and Smee run off)
Scene 6
(Molly runs on, followed by the boys, who are winded, exhausted, and collapsing. Mooly continues running, and it’s gone
PETER: Grab anything that looks it’ll float! We’re getting’ outta here.
MOLLY: (runs back on, checking her pulse, and other vitals) No- first, take me to the trunk. Remember the mission.
PETER: Forget the trunk- the trunk is safe. We need is a raft!
MOLLY: It’s not you decision, Peter. Protect the trunk- that’s the mission!
PETER: You have to have it your way, don’t you! (a bright strong light blinks in their eyes.) What is that-?
PRENTISS: -blinking fierce- (from out on the Wasp, Aster signals Molly)
MOLLY: It’s my father! Father- oh, good! He’s signaling me all the way from the Wasp!!
TED: What’s it mean?
MOLLY: He’s using Norse code! It’s Norse code, everyone! (Prentiss starts laughing)
PRENTISS: Um- sory- I think you mean Morse code.
MOLLY: (not amused) Not Morse code. Norse Code! From Norway. The ancient Viking signaling system.
PRENTISS: That’s ridiculous.
PETER: What’s he saying ?
MOLLY: Unless I miss my guess, he’s saying, “Marla bella furna seena heina furna.” And then he says, “Un, gettsie Molly dooze blingen,” That’s “ First, take Molly to the trunk,” “ Coom heller high water .” That’s “Remember the mission”
PETER: Very convenient.
MOLLY: “Un gettsie bligen dooze plaken.” That’s “ Take the trunk down to the beach.” “ Marla bella furna”- “Father’ll be there with the longboat.” “ Seena heina furna”- “We’ll be” “ heina furna” – um, “ safe, if we can just get past the pirates and make it to the beach,” “ Den tooren inder flaken essen, neckon freska tudor! Nayben nay benessa , nay benanka, binta frubalenka sinkin-hookin keep de motor cookin, anka Danke, Papa.” – “ Love, Daddy.”
Molly takes a proud , deep breath of linguistic expertise.
PRENTISS: Women are tricky, man.
PETER: I feel kind of stupid knowing Norwegian.
MOLLY: It isn’t a contest. Though, if it were, I’d win.
PETER: And the running – you’re really fast. Better than me.
MOLLY: We’ll youre a better leader.
PETER: Really?
MOLLLY: No. ( laughs, then) C’mon, take me to the trunk!
MOLLUSKS: ( from off) BUTTERFLY AND DEEP FAT FRY! BUTTERFLY AND DEEP FAT FRY!
MOLLY: The Mollusks!
TED,PRENTISS: The Mollusks!!
MOLLUSKS: ( from off) THE MOLLUSKS!!
MOLLY: We’ll have to outrun them!
PETER: Take the guys with you! I’ll the Mollusks to follow me!
TED: Hear that, Prentiss? That’s the sound of a leader!
Ted and Prentiss run for their lives.